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When Keke Palmer says “it’s the naughty ones who make history” in that Old Navy commercial I can only assume she’s talking about Hitler
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) December 31, 2021
How To Get A Free Rug 101 pic.twitter.com/3GyZ94aXy1
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 24, 2020
I am broken when my name is spoken. What am I?
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 11, 2020
(Not a riddle. I'm working through an existential crisis right now.)
Afghanistan is my third favorite.
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 8, 2020
Biden and Trump have been in a vicious and unrelenting battle for months, but I bet the make-up sex is going to be incredible
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 3, 2020
Some of the greatest comedic minds gave us timeless phrases like "wawaweewa" and "wubba lubba dub dub" and "shwing"
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 9, 2020
Spooky Halloween Fact: America was built on an ancient Indian burial ground
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 31, 2020
I cried hysterically the day I watched Marly & Me and everyday since and also prior
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 27, 2020
Couldn't afford a prenup so my wife and I are embroidering His and Hers on everything we own
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 29, 2020
It’s crazy that every major New York City tragedy has been named after the number 9: the 9th Ave Derailment, 9/11, Tekashi 6ix9ine.
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) April 16, 2018
Gonna be so weird when this pandemic ends and we all go back to partying, attending concerts, brushing our teeth, etc.
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) October 23, 2020
T-Pain's name is much less sick once you realize the T stands for testicular
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) March 14, 2017
Hair enthusiasts are such elitists. Blond and brunette? Why can't we just call it what it really is: yellow and brown
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) January 24, 2016
Usain Bolt just smoked De Grasse, which isn't saying much since he is Jamaican
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) August 15, 2016
A true magician never reveals his salary
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) December 16, 2015
To everyone who's still tweeting "I haven't showered all year!"... it's getting a little gross at this point
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) January 12, 2015
not saying I'm NOT cuckoo for cocoa puffs, I'm just saying I am probably more cuckoo for like a froot loops or a captain crunch.
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) November 15, 2014
this The Lumiere Brothers porn is freaky because OMG that penis is coming right at us!!!!
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) July 8, 2014
The worst part of a hangover is the nausea and redundant sequels.
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) April 20, 2014
Kanye West is such a sellout! apparently he's doing music now also???
— Ryan Delouya (@RyanDelouya) February 24, 2014